Talking to your child about sex can be uncomfortable. That’s why we’ve developed a guide to help you talk to your child about everything related to sexuality and puberty in an age-appropriate way.
This is why you, as a parent, should talk to my child about sex.
It’s important to talk to kids about sex. Children who have open and positive conversations with their parents about sexuality are more likely to make safer choices. Parents should bring up the subject of sexuality as an ongoing topic as early as toddlerhood. As children enter adolescence, parents can provide more in-depth information and advice.
The right time to talk to your child about sex
There is no “right” age to talk to children about sex. Topics such as body image can be started as early as toddlerhood. When and how you broach the subject depends on your child’s age, development, and interest. It is best to approach the topic as an ongoing conversation rather than a one-time conversation.
Many parents think that a conversation about sex can only be about intercourse. However, a conversation about sex actually includes many topics such as:
- Anatomy
- Sexual activity
- Intimate relationships
- Contraception
- Sexually transmitted diseases
- Pregnancy
- Consent and assent (conscious consent during sex)
- Masturbation
- Pornography
- Sexual orientation
When talking to your children about sex, many emotions can come up in both parents and children, such as fear, shame, anxiety, and discomfort. These reactions are normal, but should not get in the way of a positive and educational conversation.
When parents talk to their children about these issues, children are more likely to delay sex, be more aware of the issues, know what they want, and protect themselves when they start having sex.
Toddlers (under age 5).
Toddlers may seem too young to talk about sex and sexuality, but as we mentioned, sex education does not begin with the topic of sex. With toddlers, therefore, it is important to talk to them about their body parts. Just as children teach them about other body parts such as eyes and legs, children of this age should also be taught the proper words to use for their sexual organs. Avoid using terms like “down there” and instead teach them the correct term without making their private parts taboo.
Direct communication with young children about their bodies is important for several reasons:
- If something hurts, children know what to tell you and how to tell you.
- In addition, children who experience a sexually inappropriate act can use the right language to describe what happened to them.
- Clear language also supports a positive body image and reduces shame about one’s own body.
5-8 years old
Once children are past toddlerhood, you can think about the age at which you want to talk to them about puberty. Depending on your child’s physical development, a conversation may be necessary as early as age seven or eight. If your child is not yet showing signs of puberty, you can wait until they are nine or ten.
At this age, it’s important to talk to your children about what’s appropriate and what’s not. Explain to them that no one should touch their body, and encourage your child to be clear if something makes them uncomfortable. If your child masturbates, don’t shame them. Just explain that this is normal behavior that can feel good, but should happen in private.
9-12 years old
At this age, you should talk to your kids about puberty. Explain what changes they can expect and why. Maybe even tell them about your own experiences and encourage your child to ask questions. Your child may show emotional reactions such as fear and anxiety. Try to ease his fears by explaining that while these changes are unfamiliar, every person goes through them. You can read a book about puberty with your child for more information or get other sources of information such as series or magazines for support.
During this time, you should also start educating your child about sex as well. You should explain to your child what sex is and that it can lead to pregnancy. At the same time, it is important to provide information about safe sex. Some parents worry that being open about safe sex will encourage their children to have sex sooner, but that’s not the case. If you’re still unsure about how to talk to your child about sex and puberty, talk to your child’s pediatrician or educate yourself more about the topic.
Here’s how to talk to your teen about sex
At this point, you should have already talked to your child about body parts, puberty, and sex. Now is the time to expand on the topic and have open conversations about your child’s feelings about his or her body and sexuality. Even if your child isn’t sexually active yet, he probably has friends who are, or he’s already thought about it, or he may be in a relationship where the topic comes up.
Ask your teen questions and keep reminding your child that you are there to talk. If they feel uncomfortable, though, don’t push your child too hard. Just remind them that they can come to you if they need advice or support. Alternatively, you can arrange to talk to outside people if your child doesn’t want to talk to you.
Conclusion
Talking to a child about sex and sexuality can be difficult or feel uncomfortable; however, it is an important and unavoidable topic. As a parent, you can approach this topic in appropriate ways at any age. Remember that it is important to also equip your child with knowledge about themselves and the world around them, not just on the topic of sex. We’ve taken a closer look at youth protection online on our blog – feel free to check it out to help your child have a safe and valuable online experience.